Sinterklaas implicated in NSA scandal

Sinterklaas implicated in NSA scandal

Saint and entrepreneur Sinterklaas is charged with espionage and the making and spreading of child pornography. Documents released by Edward Santa reveal a massive espionage operation, in which Sinterklaas is tracking the behavior of every child in The Netherlands between the ages of 1 and 12.

The operation started in the late 19th century, when Sinterklaas decided he wanted to share his wealth with children that behave properly. “Sinterklaas must know everything a child is doing in order to decide whether or not he should reward the child.” says a spokesman of Sinterklaas to this newspaper. The documents released by Edward Santa show a different story: “We must know what every child is doing. We must know with which other children they play. And we must make film-footage of all of that for our archives and personal usage.” – internal memo from the organization of Sinterklaas, dated December 5th 1863.

The NSA showed interest in the tactics and technologies from Sinterklaas on gathering intelligence in a letter, dated may 8th, 1945: “The U.S. intelligence community has been inspired by the way how you operate and we are looking forward to a warm and fruitful cooperation.” says NSA director Lee Harvey Oswald. The cooperation meant that the NSA had access to all the data that Sinterklaas already gathered in the past and also the exchange of technology such as hidden cameras, microphones and the controversial “Zwarte Piet” espionage device.

Criminal prosecutor Bram Moskowisernietmeer, says: “The material found at the house of Sinterklaas in Spain is overwhelming. Millions of videos of children in the act of whatever they are doing at every moment of the day. Two detectives committed suicide after seeing part of the material and four others are severely traumatized. The violations of Sinterklaas have a deep impact on the Dutch society and we will prosecute him till the full extent of the law.”

Written in januari 2014

Article was not published and just to be clear: this is entirly fiction and not to be taken seriously.